how do i?

how do i give you forever? how do i make this all worthwhile?
i don't know how any of this is supposed to work.
no one has given me a handbook...no memo was circulated. i am lost

yet there you are sitting across from me wanting forever...wanting my all and wanting to give me everything that is yours to give.
how do you do it? how do you make it seem so easy
and why can't i be in that place of faithful and care free caring?

how do i join you? how do i show you that i want to be with you?
how do i give of myself and yet not lose myself in all that is you?
i can't... i won't... it is impossible.
but i hope...i pray that one day you will realise that this is nothing to do with you.
this is simply my fear, my self loathing sinking me deeper into a pit i can't leave.


and i love you too much to make you join me.
that is how i do this...it is why i do this and that is the only reason that matters.